If you are easily offended then I apologize in advance. But if you are one of those easily offended folks, may I suggest lightening up a little bit, life is to short to take every little thing seriously.
Now I will commence with the funny....
DISCOVERY - THE DENSEST ELEMENT
Discovery Announcement ~ The densest element in the known Universe has been found! Pelosium:A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol of Pelosium is PU.
Pelosium’s mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium. That is an element that radiates orders of magnitude, albeit as incoherent noise. It has half as many peons, but twice as many morons as Pelosium.